Timid Hips

Workout date: 4/7/15

First, a shenanigans update.  After a putrid workout this evening (details coming), I went to get a six-pack from Wegman's.  As I made my way to the cashier, I mentioned my last visit, assuring the gentleman that my license was brand new and that it would verify my age.  The guy takes my license, types some numbers into the cash register (birth date I'm assuming) and hands me back my license.  No swipe!  Seriously?  I went through all that grief last month and that lady could have typed in my info?  Shenanigans!

Tonight's workout was Diane, a couplet of deadlifts (225/155) and handstand push-ups using a rep scheme of 21-15-9.  I've done this workout at least once before and I remember it not going well.  Before we got started, we had 15 minutes to practice handstand push-ups.  My comfort zone is doing them with 2 abmats.  I can't kip (surprise!), but I can do strict handstand push-ups with 2 abmats and that was my plan for the workout.  While we were practicing, I tried to do some with only 1 abmat.  And then I tried to kip, which I was doing completely wrong.  Finally I got my setup right, but still did not successfully execute the handstand push-up.  Why?

Keith: "You have timid hips."
Michal: "That's what his wife says!"

Thanks Michal!  (To be fair, Michal got her first legit handstand push-up tonight.  Then she did about 50 more.  So she earned that one.)

Despite my physical failings, I got ready for the other part of the workout.  Determining my deadlift weight was still something I hadn't figured out.  I think I may have attempted this workout with 225 pounds and pretty soon I was doing singles.  Keith mentioned that we needed to pick a weight that we could move with quickly, so my thoughts turned to using 185 pounds.  Then the stubborn part of me got to thinking that was too light.  And perusing the board, I saw some guys that I use for comparison purposes had used 205.  Maybe 205 was the way to go.  I went back and forth on it, but decided on 185 because I didn't want to be the idiot who went slow using too much weight.

Keith counted us down and we were off doing 21 deadlifts.  And I was moving fast!  Probably too fast.  I did all 21 deadlifts unbroken and was headed to the wall after 53 seconds.  The lesson: I should have used 205 pounds.  At least I have this blog to remind me of that if I do this workout again.  (Blog reminder: never do this workout again!)  Feeling all proud of myself, I got upside down and started on the handstand push-ups.  One, two, three, erg...four...errrrrggggg...five.  And down.  Okay, a set of five wasn't awful.  What was awful was failing on attempt #6.  And then realizing I couldn't do any more strict handstand push-ups.  It was time to employ my timid hips and some lousy kips!

A quick note: over the course of the next 6-7 minutes, I did pull off a couple of kipping handstand push-ups.  But for the most part, it was me landing on my head and then looking like an upside-down frog being electrocuted.  It was incredibly frustrating.  I had resolved to doing range of motion at this point and eventually finished "rep" 21.

Royally pissed off, I went back to my barbell and did the 15 angriest deadlifts you've ever seen.  They may have even been no-reps as I was slamming the barbell into the ground pretty good.  At a certain point, I determined I wasn't angry enough, thought about the horrible day I had prior to coming to the gym, and rammed the barbell into the ground even harder.  Mature!  I strung all 15, further proof that 205 was the correct weight for this workout.

I got back to the wall and tried to flail through some more range of motion reps, which included one accidental rep where I actually kipped up.  But by the time I got to 11 reps, my shoulders were shot.  It was time for stinkbugs, as much as I didn't want to do them.  Stinkbugs are a cross between the downward-facing dog yoga pose and push-ups.  There is a very special reason I hate doing them though: the red mark.  This is a unique problem for follically-challenged guys like myself.  When you press your forehead to the mat enough times, you develop a red mark on your forehead, which does not make people give you weird looks at all.  However, at this stage, there was no avoiding it.  I wasn't even pulling off the range of motion handstand push-ups anymore.

I did 4 stinkbugs, came back to my barbell, did 9 deadlifts, then went 2-2-2-3 to finish off my 9 stinkbugs.  Final time?  A horrific 13:57.  I asked Keith to put me down for "Form" instead of my actual time, but I couldn't get him to do it.

So that whole thing sucked.  But tomorrow there is an incredible chipper scheduled for the workout.  That should make for an exciting, way too long, blog post.  Till then, good night!