Listen To Your Body

Workout date: 9/6/16

"Listen to your body.  Try to hold this position.  One...two...three..."

It was around 8:30am, but it was already over 90 degrees outside.  A small Nepalese man named Giri was instructing three flexible women and one unwieldy gentleman through a series of yoga poses.  Originally there were four women in the class, but Giri had asked the group at one point if they wanted to continue on and Jenn had taken that as her cue to grab a water, sit on one of the couches, and watch the rest of the proceedings.  To the surprise of no one who knows me, I decided to be a bit more stubborn.  I might have been dripping sweat and trembling like someone who had touched the third rail, but I was going to make it until the end of the hour.  And I did.  Even got a solid backhanded compliment when Giri told me that I "did one stretch very well...for a man".  I'll take it!

Giri would repeat that phrase "listen to your body" throughout the hour-long yoga class.  It got me to thinking that my Crossfit-related frustrations were of my own creation, having not listened to my body when it needed time to recover.  If I was going to rediscover the happiness that I used to find daily at the gym, it wasn't enough to simply take a break and come back to the gym fresh.  I needed to listen to my body more.  This was going to especially be true during my first few visits back to the gym when everything was likely to be a struggle.  I needed to accept what my body could do at that point in time and not expect to just pick up at the level I had left off.

I woke up on Tuesday feeling mildly sore from attempting Trevor the day before.  In particular, my legs were burning more than I had anticipated from doing 120 air squats.  In the past, 120 air squats wouldn't have taken much of a toll on my legs.  But there was going to be a period of adjustment before I got back to my previous level of ability at the gym.  I had to accept that.  So I knew I'd have to lower my expectations when I took on Elizabeth at Dudes After Dark.  Here's a reminder of what Elizabeth is:

"Elizabeth"
21-15-9
Squat cleans (135/95)
Ring dips

*Upon completing Elizabeth, we would have a 2 minute break before getting 10 minutes to find a 2RM hang squat clean.

A lot of moderate squat cleans followed by some heavy squat cleans meant my legs were going to be put to the test.  And since I was already sore from the day before, I began scaling the workout before I even got to the gym.  In my two previous attempts at Elizabeth this year, I had used 115 pounds for my squat cleans.  I was going to trim that down to 105 for this attempt.  As for the 2RM hang squat clean, I had gotten 215 and 195 in March and June, respectively.  The plan for tonight was to start with 135 and then see how 165 felt.  If that went ok, then I'd give 195 another try.  If 165 was a struggle, I'd go with 175 or 185 instead.

Dudes After Dark was packed for once!  A whopping 8 people were in attendance for this late night affair.  Regulars like Cline and Chris D were there, along with some dudes (Ryan A, Neil, and Rob C) who occasionally work out after dark.  There were even a few ladies present as Steph C and Miss Jackson joined the proceedings.  Coach Rachel began getting the octet warmed up by putting us through some squat clean progressions.  And not surprisingly, it wasn't long before she was pointing out that I wasn't meeting the standards for the movement.

I guess I'm appreciative that I heard prior to the workout that I was doing the movement incorrectly, but it continued a run of recent visits where coaches seemed to take issue with how I did certain movements.  And that got me wondering: have I never been doing these movements the proper way for the last 3+ years or have I had a sudden bout of amnesia where I've forgotten how to do these movements?  Whatever the case may be, any confidence I might have had in my Crossfit abilities has certainly dissipated.  (Not a big loss, the amount of confidence I had was minimal anyways.)  I'm doubting almost everything I do now.  Plus I'm constantly wondering whether the coaches are discounting my reps.  There has definitely been an uptick in how often the "if you don't do all of your reps properly, you should be giving yourself an ROM score rather than an RX score" speech has been given recently.  I can't speak to whether that's happened in all classes, but it has happened in the classes I've been in.  Perhaps I'm the reason for the speech.

We moved on from the squat cleans and visited the rings.  As we went through the progressions for the rings, it became clear that I wasn't going to be able to complete many of these without a band.  Usually I try to knock out a set of kipping dips prior to going for the band, but the fallout from Trevor was not going to allow for that.  My arms weren't particularly sore, but yesterday's push-ups had sapped the strength from my triceps.  I was going to use the band as soon as I got to the rings during the workout.

The class got ready to go and I prepared myself mentally for a few things.  I was going to try and block out my 7 classmates because there was no point in letting myself get upset by how fast they were going to do the workout.  In fact, I told myself to go slower than usual.  Now don't get me wrong.  Had I decided to go normal speed in this WOD, my time would not have been much better than it ended up being.  But I didn't want there to be doubts about the legitimacy of my reps and the best way to ensure that was to not worry about my speed.  Rachel got us started and I magically strung together two reps.  Later I heard other members of the class talk about how many reps they tried to get during their first set.  Let's just say their numbers were quite a bit higher than two.  I tried not to take much of a break after each set of two, but I did reset my grip and get my setup exactly how I wanted it.  I did sets of two for most of the round of 21, changing to singles at the very end.  I was probably close to 12 when the vast majority of the class headed to the rings.  Chris's barbell was directly in front of mine and he came back to it just as I took care of my final two reps.  Yup, I was getting lapped already.

When I got to the rings, I was hoping to knock out a big set since I was using the band right from the start, but I could only manage 4-5 reps per set.  Jumping up into the band is always a pain, even more so as tying the band to the rings has become the norm rather than hooking it to the frame of the area where the rings are located.  I was breathing heavy already and the breaks between sets of dips were longer than the breaks I took on the squat cleans.  It took a while, but I got through 21 dips.  Time to head back to my barbell.

Not a whole lot changed during the round of 15.  I kept doing sets of two, as that was the maximum I could do while being confident that my form was acceptable.  Several of my classmates started their round of 9 squat cleans as I pecked away at my round of 15.  A few of them got to the rings for their last round before I got there on my second round.  I was well behind, but it didn't matter.  It was like I had imaginary noise-cancelling headphones on.  I was in my own world and moving at the pace that I thought was best for me.

That pace slowed even more on my second trip to the rings.  I always fear having my triceps give out when I'm doing ring dips without a band.  I never imagined they would give out like they did in the round of 15 as I hadn't done a single ring dip without elastic assistance.  Yet there I was midway through that round, unable to push my body up out of the bottom of some of my dips.  The rest of the class was done or nearly finished while I paced over by the rings, shaking out my arms, hoping they would come back to life.  The sets of 4-5 were gone.  I was now doing similar sets (1-2 reps) on both the squat cleans and the ring dips.  I finished off 15 and trudged back to my barbell.

Since I was the only one that hadn't moved on to the 2RM hang squat clean yet, I had Rachel right beside me trying to encourage me on.  I decided to go for 3 reps to start off the round of 9 and when I dropped the barbell, I looked to Rachel for confirmation that I had done the reps properly.  She said "good, good", so I took that as a sign that my reps were, ya know...good.  From there, I think I tried to do quick singles until I got to 9 reps.  The squat cleans were definitely not the problem in this workout.  The problem was what remained.  Again, I couldn't manage more than 2 reps at a time on the rings.  I had at least 1 rep where I failed to press out from the bottom, requiring me to once again walk away from the rings and shake out my arms until I felt ready to try again.  With 7 reps complete, I put my head down and tried to will myself into stringing the last two reps.  It wasn't pretty, but I got them done.  Final time: 19:31.

Let's put that time into perspective.  In June, I completed this WOD nearly 6 minutes faster using 10 more pounds on my barbell and having done at least some kipping ring dips during the round of 21.  No one else in Tuesday's class eclipsed the 13 minute mark.  So this was a pathetic performance.  I had little interest in doing the 2RM hang squat clean, but I had to complete the second half of the workout, so I changed the weight on my barbell to 135 pounds.  I also grabbed my phone.  It was now 8:30 and I had a fantasy football draft beginning at that time.  Truth be told, I had little interest in doing that either, but I could keep an eye on when it was my turn to pick in between attempts at the 2RM hang squat clean.

I picked up 135 and was able to handle two hang squat cleans without much problem.  I added 30 pounds to the barbell, took a peek at my phone (still not time to pick yet), and then rested for another minute or so before attempting 165.  What happened next was a good indication of how uninvested I was in the tail end of the workout.  I picked the barbell up and went right into my squat clean, forgetting that I was supposed to stop in the hang position.  After catching the barbell in a squat, I dumped it, realizing that I was doing the wrong movement.  I gave myself about 30 seconds before returning to the barbell.  The set at 165 went better than I expected given my apathy for what I was doing.  I decided to jump up to 195 for what would likely be my final set.

After loading my barbell, I checked my phone and saw that I was one pick away from drafting.  An automated voice declared "you're on the clock" and I made my pick as soon as it was my turn.  I took another minute before heading to my barbell, not expecting to find success at 195.  I deadlifted the barbell, brought it to the hang, and went for a squat clean.  I caught the barbell in the bottom of the squat and managed to stand it up.  Wow, maybe there was a chance I could get this.  I went for rep #2 and once again caught the barbell in the bottom of my squat.  However, when I went to stand this rep up, my body would not comply.  I had to dump the barbell.  Normally I'd be upset by coming so close and failing, but my reaction was more like "meh".  I had time for one more attempt.  I waited about 30-45 seconds, then went for 195 again.  As with the first attempt, I got the first rep, although it was a bit more of a struggle standing it up this time around.  Perhaps that struggle didn't give me much confidence about my prospects for getting the second rep, as I meekly went to clean the bar and tossed it away before catching it in my squat.

Cline made a comment about how my last failure "didn't look mental at all" and there was some truth to his sarcasm.  While there is a certain amount of physical rust I need to overcome at the gym from being away, the most important factor in getting myself back to where I was (and hopefully beyond that level) is my mental state.  To perform at your optimal level, you have to want it badly.  And right now, I can't say that I do.  My zest for Crossfit has leveled off for a variety of reasons.  Will my enthusiasm ever return to the drinking-the-kool-aid levels it used to reside at?  I'm not entirely sure.  But until it does, I imagine my results will fall below what I've achieved in the past.

Thursday preview: There was no doubt that I needed a rest day after two very tough workouts welcomed me back to the gym.  Thursday's WOD is another partner workout where the unlucky soul who is coupled with me has to shoulder more than his fair share of the workload.  I might owe him a beer as well.