I had two thoughts about this blog post yesterday afternoon:
- It could be REALLY depressing. I had put a lot of time and effort into this program. Aside from a brief setback due to my lower back issues, I had not failed anywhere along the way. To fail on the last day...wow, it would be extremely difficult for me to put a positive spin on that story.
- It could be very short. All I planned on doing was my 1RM back squat test, although to be fair, I've been known to work on other things or do crazy cash outs even when I had not planned on doing so.
#1 was addressed early on in the day by Coach Doctor Sommelier VP Giulz, Mrs. Spring, and October's Athlete of the Month. They sent me a wave of supportive messages letting me know that failure was simply not a possibility. They were confident that all of the hard work was going to pay off. It meant a lot to me. I went through the afternoon in a great mood.
#2 was addressed at around 6:10pm. I was in the process of getting my gym bag ready as Open Strength began at 6:30. Then my doorbell rang. Not expecting any visitors, I went to my front door to find no one. Must be a delivery. Jenn had told me that she ordered a small table and it was supposed to arrive on Wednesday. Guess it was one day late. I went to the side door and found a tall box leaning against the house as the rain pelted down. I brought it inside and went back upstairs to finish packing my bag. Doorbell rings again. Standing at my door is a gentleman who I will call Easy Breezy from here on out.
Easy Breezy was a middle-aged guy who had rung my doorbell a second time to inform me that he had botched backing down my driveway and instead had tore up two different sections of my lawn. He didn't sound ashamed or even mildly concerned that he had damaged a customer's property. Instead, his tone was more like "bummer, right?", as though it was some stroke of bad luck that had led to his truck being lodged diagonally across my driveway and not his complete incompetence as a driver. He asked me if I would like to come out into the pouring rain and see the damage (a Godfather offer if I ever heard one). He also let me know he would get me the claim information so that Fedex (he was a Fedex delivery guy, despite showing up in a Budget rental truck) could reimburse me for the lawn damage. Yay?
As I made my way up the driveway, I met Easy Breezy's partner, who I will call Unsuspecting Victim from here on out. Unsuspecting Victim was much younger than Easy Breezy. He had a sense of urgency that was completely lacking in Easy Breezy. He wanted to finish their remaining deliveries and get home. The only problem was they were still stuck in the muddy pit that used to be part of my lawn.
Plan B was to take a wooden plank (about 7' long, 2' wide) and place it under the front of the stuck wheel in order to leverage it out of the mud. Didn't sound like a bad plan. Easy Breezy got in the driver's seat, while Unsuspecting Victim moved back a few feet from where he is in the picture above (take note of where yours truly is standing in comparison to Unsuspecting Victim). Easy Breezy gave it a little gas and the truck almost got free, but didn't quite make it. Unsuspecting Victim told Easy Breezy to stop for a sec. He got out another plank, this time placing it behind the mud-entrenched tire. He also instructed Easy Breezy to gun it before getting back into position about 6-7 feet behind the truck.
I can't even do justice to what happened next. The only bright spot was that this plan worked as far as getting the truck out of the mud. That was all well and good, except for the fact that I almost watched a man get impaled against my tree in the process. As the truck escaped the mud, one of the wooden planks was shot like a rocket directly at Unsuspecting Victim. I've never seen something travel at that velocity. Thankfully, the trajectory of the plank was shin-level. It nailed Unsuspecting Victim in the leg, knocking him off of his feet, before ricocheting into a nearby tree, taking a chunk out of it. As Unsuspecting Victim writhed around on my muddy lawn in severe pain, Easy Breezy made his way out of the truck and asked what happened. I told him that he needed to get Unsuspecting Victim to a hospital. Unsuspecting Victim didn't appear to be bleeding, but he was unable to put any pressure on his one leg and it looked like he had a broken ankle at a minimum.
While I reiterated that his partner needed a hospital, Easy Breezy felt he had the situation under control. He told Unsuspecting Victim that he was going to roll him on to one of the wooden planks (yes, those wooden planks) so that he wasn't lying in the mud. Because lying on a wooden plank in the pouring rain is such a huge upgrade. He grabbed the wooden plank that had recently functioned as a projectile and discovered that it was cracked in two from its impact with the tree. Didn't phase Easy Breezy. He said "guess we can't use that one" and proceeded to grab the other one. Unsuspecting Victim made it known that he wanted to be helped up instead. So Easy Breezy went over and helped lean Unsuspecting Victim against the newly-freed truck.
As Unsuspecting Victim hopped his way to the passenger side of the truck, Easy Breezy was kind enough to get me the claim forms for my lawn damage. He also let me know that he needed to call me with more information, but that would likely happen tomorrow, as he didn't think he would get to it tonight. Okay buddy. Just get your partner to a hospital already. The truck finally departed and I went back inside to decompress for a few minutes. It was close to 6:35. I was late and no longer in the best state of mind to test my back squat. At least I no longer had to worry about the blog post being short.
After texting Rachel about what was going on and how I was going to be late, I finally was able to leave my house and head to the gym. When I got there, I told her and Samson what had happened. Michal sounded like she wasn't going to be able to make it to the gym as she was apartment-hunting, but she got there in time to hear the end of my story. I reiterated how freaked out I was that I almost witnessed a man get killed on my front lawn and Samson pointed out how it was similar to one of those Final Destination movies. Shit. Was I going to die tonight now? I could envision myself stepping back from the rack with 310 pounds on the barbell, only to have one of the ceiling fans malfunction, with the blade whipping down to slice through my Achilles, causing me to drop the barbell on myself and severing my spine. (That's how those movies work, right? I've only seen previews, but from what I've seen, whoever was at the incident where someone escaped death ends up dying in some elaborate yet horrific fashion later on. I think that's accurate.)
If those quality movies had taught me anything, it was that there was no escaping death, so I might as well try and break the 300 pound barrier before I meet my maker. To be precise, I was supposed to be able to squat 310 pounds if I did the program properly. So 310 was the goal weight for the night, but if I couldn't manage that, then I would drop down and attempt 300 as a consolation prize. Before I get to how things went, I want to note how ridiculously awesome the KOP community is. Rachel and Michal were there solely to root me on. Samson was sticking around to root me on. Leslie and Jim were there to offer advice and to see if I could finally get beyond a weight that had been unachievable for a long time. Coach Miranda actually asked her 6:30 class to move down the gym to give me space for my attempts. (Sorry Danielle, "Megs", Steph C, and Lauren! But thank you for moving.) Aimee and Jess were rooting me on as well. I felt like I had an entire team helping me to lift that barbell. Failure simply wasn't an option.
I warmed up with 5 reps at 135, 3 reps at 185, and 2 reps at 225. After those were done, I grabbed my weight belt and put it on. It would be single reps from here on out. I didn't expect 255 pounds to be a problem (if it was, then 310 was not happening), and as expected, it went smoothly. I took a few minutes before attempting my next lift at 285. I went through my routine, went into the squat, and stood up without a struggle. That was not expected. The weight did not feel light, but the lift was surprisingly easy. I was going to get 310. I mean, as long as I didn't sabotage myself by overthinking.
I let Michal and Rachel know that it was showtime and they came in from the lobby. Rachel was going to take video for Giulz as she couldn't make it to the gym. Leslie and Jim moved in closer in anticipation of the big lift as well. Suddenly, there was a lot more pressure to do this lift as I could feel everyone's eyes on me. As soon as I noticed that I was thinking about everything going on, I told myself it was time to go. Any more delay would have been detrimental. Grab the barbell. JFDI.
Why describe the lift when I can just show you video? Here you go...
Lift at 310:
It felt surprisingly easy. Which led me to think I didn't squat low enough. Leslie and Jim had looks on their faces that seemed to say "that wasn't legit". Leslie said she would have given me a white light (the signal at a weightlifting meet that a lift was good) about 60% of the time for my lift. Crap. Did I really just blow it? I had focused so much on not crashing to the bottom that I went slowly and figured I had hit bottom and come back up. But maybe I went so slow that I never got low enough. The squat was officially under review. After having many members of the squat committee review the video, the ruling on the field was confirmed and I had successfully completed the program and hit a new PR of 310 pounds!
But wait, there was more confusion. Rachel and Michal were surprised when I told them I was considering trying 325 pounds next, because they thought I had only done 300 pounds on that lift. Leslie wasn't convinced there was 310 pounds on the bar either until we went over to the barbell and recounted. After confirming it was 310 pounds, the consensus seemed to be that I should try 330 pounds. So I re-loaded the bar, taking off the smaller plates and putting on a 3rd big plate (just for you Tom!), signifying there was at least 315 pounds on the bar. Then I put a few small plates back on to get to 330. Or so I thought. Before I went to start my routine, Jim pointed out that I had left one of the 2.5 pound plates off of the right side of the barbell. Oops. I added it to the barbell and got ready to go again.
Lift at 330:
I was less concerned with crashing the weight down this time and as a result, I hit the depth I normally do when I back squat. Got stuck a little on the way up, but with all those folks helping me lift the weight, I was able to get out of it. Thanks everyone!
I was cool with stopping there as I now had a 35 pound PR (aka Brett Mercer PR), but Rachel told me I should go until I failed. So I added 10 pounds for an attempt at 340. Let's not watch that video. To recap, the weight didn't feel unbearable, but I was already on cloud nine and had mentally checked out. I got stuck the way I did at 330, but couldn't fight my way out of it. I think there's a real chance that I could get 340, but it wasn't going to happen this night.
After a change into a fresh shirt, I was treated to a celebratory meal with Michal and Mr. and Mrs. Spring at the Cheesecake Factory, where I ate too much and put myself into a cheesecake coma. When I got home, I began to question whether the events of the evening actually happened. It all felt very surreal. While we were at dinner, I was telling the girls that conversations and events often make me immediately think of a scene in a TV show or a movie. As I sat on my couch, all that was running through my mind were the final words of Inigo Montoya:
"Is very strange. I have been in the revenge business so long, now that it's over, I don't know what to do with the rest of my life." (Sorry, no clip available!)
I'm not sure if the 300 pound back squat was my six-fingered man, but I've been waiting a long time for something good to happen. For there to be a breakthrough of some sort. And after it happened, with me being more successful than I could have possibly imagined last night, I was a bit shell-shocked. I've grown so accustomed to things going wrong that I did not know how to react when things finally went right. And having reached the final destination of this long journey, I didn't know where to turn to next. A guy who plans everything suddenly had no plan.
I think that's okay. I'm going to enjoy this victory for a while.
Friday preview: Basking in the glow of back squat success, I take on rowing, thrusters, and burpees, along with some handstand push-up practice with Coach Doctor Sommelier VP Giulz.
Easy Breezy was a middle-aged guy who had rung my doorbell a second time to inform me that he had botched backing down my driveway and instead had tore up two different sections of my lawn. He didn't sound ashamed or even mildly concerned that he had damaged a customer's property. Instead, his tone was more like "bummer, right?", as though it was some stroke of bad luck that had led to his truck being lodged diagonally across my driveway and not his complete incompetence as a driver. He asked me if I would like to come out into the pouring rain and see the damage (a Godfather offer if I ever heard one). He also let me know he would get me the claim information so that Fedex (he was a Fedex delivery guy, despite showing up in a Budget rental truck) could reimburse me for the lawn damage. Yay?
As I made my way up the driveway, I met Easy Breezy's partner, who I will call Unsuspecting Victim from here on out. Unsuspecting Victim was much younger than Easy Breezy. He had a sense of urgency that was completely lacking in Easy Breezy. He wanted to finish their remaining deliveries and get home. The only problem was they were still stuck in the muddy pit that used to be part of my lawn.
Preparing for the Darwin Awards
Unsuspecting Victim told me that he was happy that it wasn't him who had colossally messed up this situation. Easy Breezy had decided to go with a strategy of staring at the tire that was stuck, perhaps hoping he could shame it out of the mud. Finally, Easy Breezy let Unsuspecting Victim know that he wanted him to push the truck out of the driveway by himself. (Seriously! Look at that photo and let me know if you think one guy would be able to push that truck out of the driveway.) Unsuspecting Victim let Easy Breezy know that he was not a modern day Sisyphus and that a Plan B would need to be devised.
Plan B was to take a wooden plank (about 7' long, 2' wide) and place it under the front of the stuck wheel in order to leverage it out of the mud. Didn't sound like a bad plan. Easy Breezy got in the driver's seat, while Unsuspecting Victim moved back a few feet from where he is in the picture above (take note of where yours truly is standing in comparison to Unsuspecting Victim). Easy Breezy gave it a little gas and the truck almost got free, but didn't quite make it. Unsuspecting Victim told Easy Breezy to stop for a sec. He got out another plank, this time placing it behind the mud-entrenched tire. He also instructed Easy Breezy to gun it before getting back into position about 6-7 feet behind the truck.
I can't even do justice to what happened next. The only bright spot was that this plan worked as far as getting the truck out of the mud. That was all well and good, except for the fact that I almost watched a man get impaled against my tree in the process. As the truck escaped the mud, one of the wooden planks was shot like a rocket directly at Unsuspecting Victim. I've never seen something travel at that velocity. Thankfully, the trajectory of the plank was shin-level. It nailed Unsuspecting Victim in the leg, knocking him off of his feet, before ricocheting into a nearby tree, taking a chunk out of it. As Unsuspecting Victim writhed around on my muddy lawn in severe pain, Easy Breezy made his way out of the truck and asked what happened. I told him that he needed to get Unsuspecting Victim to a hospital. Unsuspecting Victim didn't appear to be bleeding, but he was unable to put any pressure on his one leg and it looked like he had a broken ankle at a minimum.
While I reiterated that his partner needed a hospital, Easy Breezy felt he had the situation under control. He told Unsuspecting Victim that he was going to roll him on to one of the wooden planks (yes, those wooden planks) so that he wasn't lying in the mud. Because lying on a wooden plank in the pouring rain is such a huge upgrade. He grabbed the wooden plank that had recently functioned as a projectile and discovered that it was cracked in two from its impact with the tree. Didn't phase Easy Breezy. He said "guess we can't use that one" and proceeded to grab the other one. Unsuspecting Victim made it known that he wanted to be helped up instead. So Easy Breezy went over and helped lean Unsuspecting Victim against the newly-freed truck.
As Unsuspecting Victim hopped his way to the passenger side of the truck, Easy Breezy was kind enough to get me the claim forms for my lawn damage. He also let me know that he needed to call me with more information, but that would likely happen tomorrow, as he didn't think he would get to it tonight. Okay buddy. Just get your partner to a hospital already. The truck finally departed and I went back inside to decompress for a few minutes. It was close to 6:35. I was late and no longer in the best state of mind to test my back squat. At least I no longer had to worry about the blog post being short.
After texting Rachel about what was going on and how I was going to be late, I finally was able to leave my house and head to the gym. When I got there, I told her and Samson what had happened. Michal sounded like she wasn't going to be able to make it to the gym as she was apartment-hunting, but she got there in time to hear the end of my story. I reiterated how freaked out I was that I almost witnessed a man get killed on my front lawn and Samson pointed out how it was similar to one of those Final Destination movies. Shit. Was I going to die tonight now? I could envision myself stepping back from the rack with 310 pounds on the barbell, only to have one of the ceiling fans malfunction, with the blade whipping down to slice through my Achilles, causing me to drop the barbell on myself and severing my spine. (That's how those movies work, right? I've only seen previews, but from what I've seen, whoever was at the incident where someone escaped death ends up dying in some elaborate yet horrific fashion later on. I think that's accurate.)
If those quality movies had taught me anything, it was that there was no escaping death, so I might as well try and break the 300 pound barrier before I meet my maker. To be precise, I was supposed to be able to squat 310 pounds if I did the program properly. So 310 was the goal weight for the night, but if I couldn't manage that, then I would drop down and attempt 300 as a consolation prize. Before I get to how things went, I want to note how ridiculously awesome the KOP community is. Rachel and Michal were there solely to root me on. Samson was sticking around to root me on. Leslie and Jim were there to offer advice and to see if I could finally get beyond a weight that had been unachievable for a long time. Coach Miranda actually asked her 6:30 class to move down the gym to give me space for my attempts. (Sorry Danielle, "Megs", Steph C, and Lauren! But thank you for moving.) Aimee and Jess were rooting me on as well. I felt like I had an entire team helping me to lift that barbell. Failure simply wasn't an option.
I warmed up with 5 reps at 135, 3 reps at 185, and 2 reps at 225. After those were done, I grabbed my weight belt and put it on. It would be single reps from here on out. I didn't expect 255 pounds to be a problem (if it was, then 310 was not happening), and as expected, it went smoothly. I took a few minutes before attempting my next lift at 285. I went through my routine, went into the squat, and stood up without a struggle. That was not expected. The weight did not feel light, but the lift was surprisingly easy. I was going to get 310. I mean, as long as I didn't sabotage myself by overthinking.
I let Michal and Rachel know that it was showtime and they came in from the lobby. Rachel was going to take video for Giulz as she couldn't make it to the gym. Leslie and Jim moved in closer in anticipation of the big lift as well. Suddenly, there was a lot more pressure to do this lift as I could feel everyone's eyes on me. As soon as I noticed that I was thinking about everything going on, I told myself it was time to go. Any more delay would have been detrimental. Grab the barbell. JFDI.
Why describe the lift when I can just show you video? Here you go...
Lift at 310:
It felt surprisingly easy. Which led me to think I didn't squat low enough. Leslie and Jim had looks on their faces that seemed to say "that wasn't legit". Leslie said she would have given me a white light (the signal at a weightlifting meet that a lift was good) about 60% of the time for my lift. Crap. Did I really just blow it? I had focused so much on not crashing to the bottom that I went slowly and figured I had hit bottom and come back up. But maybe I went so slow that I never got low enough. The squat was officially under review. After having many members of the squat committee review the video, the ruling on the field was confirmed and I had successfully completed the program and hit a new PR of 310 pounds!
But wait, there was more confusion. Rachel and Michal were surprised when I told them I was considering trying 325 pounds next, because they thought I had only done 300 pounds on that lift. Leslie wasn't convinced there was 310 pounds on the bar either until we went over to the barbell and recounted. After confirming it was 310 pounds, the consensus seemed to be that I should try 330 pounds. So I re-loaded the bar, taking off the smaller plates and putting on a 3rd big plate (just for you Tom!), signifying there was at least 315 pounds on the bar. Then I put a few small plates back on to get to 330. Or so I thought. Before I went to start my routine, Jim pointed out that I had left one of the 2.5 pound plates off of the right side of the barbell. Oops. I added it to the barbell and got ready to go again.
Lift at 330:
I was less concerned with crashing the weight down this time and as a result, I hit the depth I normally do when I back squat. Got stuck a little on the way up, but with all those folks helping me lift the weight, I was able to get out of it. Thanks everyone!
I was cool with stopping there as I now had a 35 pound PR (aka Brett Mercer PR), but Rachel told me I should go until I failed. So I added 10 pounds for an attempt at 340. Let's not watch that video. To recap, the weight didn't feel unbearable, but I was already on cloud nine and had mentally checked out. I got stuck the way I did at 330, but couldn't fight my way out of it. I think there's a real chance that I could get 340, but it wasn't going to happen this night.
My coaches! Don't let Jim fool you, he's happy for me.
After a change into a fresh shirt, I was treated to a celebratory meal with Michal and Mr. and Mrs. Spring at the Cheesecake Factory, where I ate too much and put myself into a cheesecake coma. When I got home, I began to question whether the events of the evening actually happened. It all felt very surreal. While we were at dinner, I was telling the girls that conversations and events often make me immediately think of a scene in a TV show or a movie. As I sat on my couch, all that was running through my mind were the final words of Inigo Montoya:
"Is very strange. I have been in the revenge business so long, now that it's over, I don't know what to do with the rest of my life." (Sorry, no clip available!)
I'm not sure if the 300 pound back squat was my six-fingered man, but I've been waiting a long time for something good to happen. For there to be a breakthrough of some sort. And after it happened, with me being more successful than I could have possibly imagined last night, I was a bit shell-shocked. I've grown so accustomed to things going wrong that I did not know how to react when things finally went right. And having reached the final destination of this long journey, I didn't know where to turn to next. A guy who plans everything suddenly had no plan.
I think that's okay. I'm going to enjoy this victory for a while.
Friday preview: Basking in the glow of back squat success, I take on rowing, thrusters, and burpees, along with some handstand push-up practice with Coach Doctor Sommelier VP Giulz.
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