My intent when writing this blog has always been to capture how I felt in the moment of a workout. It isn't meant to be revisionist history. I try to express how I felt when I saw the WOD on the blog at 10pm the night before. How I felt when I saw people's scores earlier in the day. How I felt warming up. How I felt during the workout. How I felt when it all came to a merciful end. I want this to be an entertaining blog, but if I had a crappy workout, then the blog post covering that day probably won't be so cheery. That is what made this blog post very difficult to write. In the end, I decided to incorporate an important talk I had on Tuesday with what I would describe as my low point of the year on Monday. If I had written this the night I did the workout, it would have had a completely different tone. Lucky for you that I've been such a slacker and am writing this a week after the fact!
Meet Rich:
Rich is a buddy of mine that I used to work with at Reliance Standard in the city. Over the years, I've come to realize that he is a kindred spirit when it comes to gambling. If you ever see me playing craps, there is a good chance that Rich is at the table as well. (Still working on getting him to play poker in a casino, but it's only a matter of time.) He's also the most consistent reader of this blog that does not do Crossfit. I've been shocked by how closely people have followed this blog over the course of the year, but to follow it when you're not part of the cult? (Kidding!) That takes some dedication.
I hung out with Rich at the Phillies game on Tuesday night and he unintentionally gave me a pep talk. It applied to Crossfit. It applied to my handicapping tournaments. It really applied to life in general. And why did I need this? As far as the handicapping tournaments go, I've had a lot of close calls in recent weeks, only to fall just short. This included a tournament on Sunday where the top two players got an entry into a prestigious tournament that I qualified for last year. I ended up third. The week before I finished 5th in a qualifying tournament for the National Handicapping Championship. Falling short was driving me nuts. That along with what happened at the gym on Monday night.
Monday was yet another test day, only it was my favorite workout at the gym: Nancy.
Nancy:
5 rounds for time
400 meter run
15 overhead squats (95/65)
I don't love all of the running you have to do in Nancy, but 75 overhead squats? That's my jam. I had held out a small amount of hope early on in the year that this could be the workout where I could sneak on to the gym's white board. That hope flourished back in March when I completed the workout in under 17 minutes, about 2 minutes shy of third place on the white board. Two minutes was a lot, but I also would get to re-test this every three months and I didn't see any reason why I couldn't improve enough to at least be in striking range of that third spot.
In June, I trimmed a little bit off my March time, although not as much as I would have hoped. Still, it was unbearably hot that day, so perhaps my performance was better than I was giving myself credit for. With the next two attempts in September and December, I should have cooler temperatures and get a better gauge of how much I had improved. Almost on cue, the weather became noticeably cooler on Monday, September 14th. The Crossfit gods were finally throwing me a bone. Or they were throwing one at me.
I looked at the blog during the day and saw people PRing left and right on this workout. I was excited. This cooler weather was benefiting everyone. Two times were so fast that new names had been put on the board in the second and third spots for Nancy. My goal wasn't to put my name on the board on this day, but I wanted a time that threatened 15 minutes. Even 15:30 would have been acceptable. I simply had to push during the runs. In my previous two attempts, I had fallen apart during the third run. If I could put together three solid runs rather than two, I would likely be in that 15:30 range. And if I could manage decent runs on round four or five, then maybe I could flirt with 15 minutes.
I was also renewing my Nancy rivalry with Michal. In March, we went back and forth during the workout, before she turned to face me on the final round of overheads, letting me know she was taking round 1 of this matchup. In June, I got my revenge. I'm not sure if she struggled with the heat, but her time was about two minutes slower than it had been in March. Before round three, I exchanged some trash talk with her, which was probably not wise. For starters, she had just improved her Grace time on Thursday by over two minutes, so that should have let me know that she was going to mean business today. Plus, Michal is one of the most determined athletes in our gym. There was little doubt that she was going to make sure everyone knew that the June performance was a fluke.
Cline was also in our class on Monday. It was his first time attempting Nancy and he's consistently very fast in workouts that involve running, so I knew he was going to be tough to stay ahead of. But I thought that he might provide the inspiration to run faster in the later rounds that I would need to hit the goals I had set for myself in this workout.
Unfortunately I didn't even get to the later rounds before discovering I was in trouble. On the first run, I stayed fairly close to Michal and Cline. I didn't need to beat them on the run because I expected that I would be faster on the overheads. That was the whole reason Michal and I went back and forth so much when we did this in March: she was the faster runner and I was faster on the overheads. When I got to my barbell, I squat snatched it and did my first rep. I think I got about 5 reps in when I realized I needed to pause. Back in March, I belted out all 15 reps fairly easily. After pausing, I did a few more reps before needing to stop again. I didn't need to put down the barbell, but I was struggling to get a rhythm with my reps. I guess sluggish would be the best way to describe how I felt as I worked to complete that first round. When I dropped my barbell after the 15th rep, I turned around to find that Michal and Cline were already out the door. So much for catching up on the overheads.
In round two, I kept a good pace on the run, only losing a little distance to Michal and Cline, but once again I struggled on the overheads. They were both gone again when I finished round two. I glanced at the clock and it was near 5:30, which was surprising since that was close to where I was after two rounds in March and June. On the third run, I wasn't moving fast, but I wasn't losing a lot of ground to Cline either. After more overhead struggles, I headed out for my fourth run while glancing at the clock once again. It read 9:15. I was screwed.
The rest of the workout did not matter. I wasn't magically going to get faster on the last two rounds (although I finally got some overhead rhythm in the final round). I knew there was no chance of matching my June time, much less hitting my goal for the day. Michal nearly lapped me as she finished up with a time of 15:24. Cline wasn't far behind her at 15:45. I could only muster a time of 17:00, my worst time in this workout in nearly 15 months.
There was no way to put a good spin on this workout. This was one of the rare things I had done well at in the gym and now I had regressed. The weather was cooler, many other people were hitting PRs. There was no reason I shouldn't have been in the neighborhood of where Michal and Cline ended up. People often say at Crossfit that you should not be competing against the other athletes, but rather you should be competing against yourself. I lost on both of those fronts. One can only imagine how I would have done on that day had the workout been something I sucked at.
For the third time in recent months, I was left wondering whether this was something I even wanted to do anymore. I'm a competitive person by nature, but my performances at the gym were not competitive at all. If anything, I was falling further behind the other athletes at the gym. I began trying to find a way to reconcile the competitive side of me that was hitting rock bottom with going to the gym and hanging out with the people I love to be around. The only solution I could come up with was to skip WODs for a while. I could do Boot Camp, Open Strength, and Endurance. I'd still be at the gym without feeling awful about how I was doing. The next day, I went to Boot Camp and did a workout consisting of sled pulls, burpees on to a plate, and holding a plate over your head for an extended period of time. I got my workout in and didn't leave feeling bad.
After Boot Camp, I headed to the Phillies game and sat next to Rich. We talked about my struggle to win handicapping tournaments. He mentioned that he really enjoyed my blog, but that I was behind on my blog entries. Then he matter-of-factly said to me: "You overthink everything. You need to trust your gut and just do stuff. And you are way too hard on yourself."
Sometimes it isn't the message, but how that message is delivered. This wasn't something I hadn't heard before. But I wasn't expecting Rich to say it to me, not as we watched the Phillies desperately flail at nearly every pitch that Stephen Strasburg threw their way. He didn't say it in a way that made me think he was trying to get me to feel better. He said it like it was an indisputable fact. I'm always telling Michal "JFDI" (Just Fucking Do It) when we're at the gym. Maybe I needed to start heeding my own advice. And maybe I needed to put a little less pressure on myself all the time.
Wednesday preview: 4x4 back squat day and my return to WODing.
In round two, I kept a good pace on the run, only losing a little distance to Michal and Cline, but once again I struggled on the overheads. They were both gone again when I finished round two. I glanced at the clock and it was near 5:30, which was surprising since that was close to where I was after two rounds in March and June. On the third run, I wasn't moving fast, but I wasn't losing a lot of ground to Cline either. After more overhead struggles, I headed out for my fourth run while glancing at the clock once again. It read 9:15. I was screwed.
The rest of the workout did not matter. I wasn't magically going to get faster on the last two rounds (although I finally got some overhead rhythm in the final round). I knew there was no chance of matching my June time, much less hitting my goal for the day. Michal nearly lapped me as she finished up with a time of 15:24. Cline wasn't far behind her at 15:45. I could only muster a time of 17:00, my worst time in this workout in nearly 15 months.
There was no way to put a good spin on this workout. This was one of the rare things I had done well at in the gym and now I had regressed. The weather was cooler, many other people were hitting PRs. There was no reason I shouldn't have been in the neighborhood of where Michal and Cline ended up. People often say at Crossfit that you should not be competing against the other athletes, but rather you should be competing against yourself. I lost on both of those fronts. One can only imagine how I would have done on that day had the workout been something I sucked at.
For the third time in recent months, I was left wondering whether this was something I even wanted to do anymore. I'm a competitive person by nature, but my performances at the gym were not competitive at all. If anything, I was falling further behind the other athletes at the gym. I began trying to find a way to reconcile the competitive side of me that was hitting rock bottom with going to the gym and hanging out with the people I love to be around. The only solution I could come up with was to skip WODs for a while. I could do Boot Camp, Open Strength, and Endurance. I'd still be at the gym without feeling awful about how I was doing. The next day, I went to Boot Camp and did a workout consisting of sled pulls, burpees on to a plate, and holding a plate over your head for an extended period of time. I got my workout in and didn't leave feeling bad.
After Boot Camp, I headed to the Phillies game and sat next to Rich. We talked about my struggle to win handicapping tournaments. He mentioned that he really enjoyed my blog, but that I was behind on my blog entries. Then he matter-of-factly said to me: "You overthink everything. You need to trust your gut and just do stuff. And you are way too hard on yourself."
Sometimes it isn't the message, but how that message is delivered. This wasn't something I hadn't heard before. But I wasn't expecting Rich to say it to me, not as we watched the Phillies desperately flail at nearly every pitch that Stephen Strasburg threw their way. He didn't say it in a way that made me think he was trying to get me to feel better. He said it like it was an indisputable fact. I'm always telling Michal "JFDI" (Just Fucking Do It) when we're at the gym. Maybe I needed to start heeding my own advice. And maybe I needed to put a little less pressure on myself all the time.
Wednesday preview: 4x4 back squat day and my return to WODing.
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