And So We Meet Again

Workout date: 6/2/15

Kalsu.  Even the name alone is oddly intimidating.  It shouldn't be, because it is simply the last name of a famous college and professional football player who was killed in combat in Vietnam.  For some reason, it does not seem to get advertised as a Hero WOD, but it definitely is, both in intensity and in spirit.

How does Kalsu work?  Pretty simple format really, which likely explains why people underestimate how grueling this workout truly is.  The goal is to do 100 thrusters (135/95).  That's a lot of thrusters.  Oh, but did I mention there are burpees as well?  How many burpees you ask?  Well that depends on how fast you complete the 100 thrusters.  At the beginning of every minute, you have to do 5 burpees before you touch that barbell.  And there is something quite destructive about the combination of thrusters and burpees, as anyone who did Open workout 14.5 last year could tell you.

Haven't hit 100 thrusters at the end of a minute?  Back down to the floor you go for 5 more burpees.  Basically, at the end of every minute, you are being punished for not being done.  And the more you are punished, the less work you are able to do on the barbell.  Which means more punishment.  It's a vicious cycle.

About three months into my Crossfit career, I did this workout.  It was a complete bro session, with me filling the role of little bro.  Paul was coaching the class and stood us in a line.  As he made his way down the line, he asked us if we were doing 100 reps or 50 reps (Half Kalsu is a popular scale).  One by one, all the guys said 100 reps.  When Paul got to me, I gave him a look like I was offended he even asked the question.  "100 reps!"  I'm no fool.

I'm a fool.  I did 50 reps that day using 75 pounds on my barbell.  And it took me 17:57 to do.  That means I did 90 burpees during the workout.  There were minutes where I crawled through my 5 burpees only to discover there were only seconds remaining, forcing me to go right back into burpees without chipping away at my thruster total.  That's the thing with Kalsu: there is no rest.  You might be able to sneak in a breather for a few seconds, but if you truly want rest, you have to give up.

Despite my love of attempting everything RX, I had a healthy enough respect for this workout to not even consider it.  135 was out of the question and 115 seemed like a longshot as well.  I was going with 95 pounds, with a goal of completing the 100 reps in 20 minutes.  That would be 5 burpees and 5 thrusters per minute.  Sounded good since I was making this decision while I still had a clear mind.

There are two ways you can approach Kalsu:

1. You can go crazy in that first minute or two, trying to knock out as many thrusters as possible while you are still fresh.  You will take a big bite out of that total of 100, but you won't be fresh very long and you will have to grit your way through the remainder of the workout.
2. You can be methodical.  Want to be done in 20 minutes?  Do 5 burpees and 5 thrusters every minute.  No more, no less.

Again, having received a previous ass-whooping from this workout, I decided that option #2 was the wiser choice, with a slight modification.  There was no way that I was going to get away with doing 5 thrusters in that first minute and then standing around until minute 2 began.  I would definitely hear about that.  So my first minute would be all about comfort level.  When the reps stopped being smooth, I would drop the bar.  But I would be doing more than 5 reps.

We got going with the workout and after doing 5 burpees, I did a set of 7 thrusters followed by another set of 5.  12 thrusters down, 88 to go.  Maybe I had improved enough that this was not going to be a total nightmare.  Or not.  The burpees were a little slower in minute two and I only managed 6 thrusters before it was burpee time yet again.  Uh oh.

I won't bore you with what happened every minute because it would just be "did 5 burpees, did x thrusters".  And honestly I don't remember how many I did every single minute.  What I will tell you is that everyone who does Kalsu is faced with two questions during the workout:

1. Do I really want to keep doing this?  (Entered my mind after 49 reps)
2. (Within 5 minutes of answering yes to question #1) No seriously, is there any point in continuing with this futility?  (Entered my mind after 68 reps)

Without a doubt, this is the most mentally challenging workout we do since there is no rest and the incentive to stop is high.  Plus if you get to the point where you're only doing 1-2 thrusters per minute, you can end up doing this forever.  So there is a lot of questioning that goes on in your head during this workout.  There's a lot of screaming when you try to continue.  There's a lot of sweat (not just from me) that comes pouring out of you as you try to find more.

For the most part, I did 5 thrusters per minute, although dropped to 4 reps later in the workout.  My burpees became so slow that I generally had 15-20 seconds left each minute for thrusters.  I had one round where I had 10 seconds left and managed to only knock out 2 thrusters.  I had one round where I did the first thruster, lost my balance, managed to press it out, but had to drop the barbell.  With only 7 seconds left, I decided it was better to sneak in one of those breathers so that I could go faster on the burpees in the next round, allowing me time to make up thrusters (I did 5 the following round).  I had one round where I did a sidestep twice as I did thrusters because my barbell had crept it's way over to where Michal was working and I wanted to get back over to my area.

Exhausted and feeling like my sneakers were covered in cement, I got to 83 reps.  I knew I could get 4 reps per round if I pushed, but that would leave me at 99 in 4 minutes.  And I was not doing 5 extra burpees to get 1 lousy thruster.  After finishing my burpees for that round, I pushed as hard as I could on the thrusters, trying to bounce up and down as fast as I could.  I managed to get a 5th rep in before the minute elapsed.  Now with 88 reps, I knew I could finish in 3 minutes if I didn't let up.  That is exactly what I did, pressing out that 100th thruster with 21:54 showing on the clock.  I didn't beat 20 minutes, but just getting through 100 reps made me happy, knowing how tough it was getting through only 50 on my first attempt.

Next blog post: Michal may have figured out the key to getting me to kip properly.  Why not test it out on a workout with 80 pull-ups just to be sure?  More pain coming soon.