The Mile High Club

"Welcome to Colorado Springs!  You are officially 6,000 feet above sea level.  A couple of warnings for you.  #1, you are much closer to the sun, so do yourself a favor and buy some sunblock and some cheap sunglasses while you are here.  #2, if you exercise, the altitude will cause you to lose your breath quicker.  Altitude sickness is a real thing, so use caution.  And #3, for those of you who drink alcohol, we are a bunch of cheap dates here.  The altitude causes you to get drunk quicker, so dial it back from what you normally drink to get tipsy.  You do not want to experience a hangover here."

Our vibrant shuttle driver was just chock full of information.  As I pulled into Colorado Springs for my Long Term Care Insurance conference (yes, as exciting as it sounds), I thought about how badly I was going to violate those rules.  Perhaps I am a Colorado gremlin?  I don't wear sunglasses and only wear sunblock when yelled at.  Those of you who have exercised with me know that I'm not particularly good at moderation.  And when it comes to alcohol, moderation isn't remotely in play.  Oh well, just survive until Vegas.  That's all I could hope for.

With Saturday consisting mostly of travel, Sunday consisting of watching college basketball, and Monday filled with conference stuff, it wasn't until today that I finally had a chance to visit the fitness center here at the Broadmoor.  The Broadmoor is a five-star resort (ooh la la!) where the staff is dressed way too fancy and is way too interested in making sure that you are pleased with everything. You get the feeling that if you complained about a staff member here, the staff member would receive public lashings and a member of their family would get shot.  The flip side of this resort is that you have to be dressed up all the time as well.  I really can't wear sneakers when trying to get some french toast?  Seriously?  Meanwhile, most of the other guests are relishing in giving demands to the indentured servants, I mean, staff.  It's like being on an episode of Revenge where not enough people are having red X's drawn over their faces.

Anyway, it is acceptable to throw on shorts and sneakers if you're hitting the fitness center, so I was excited to finally get over there today.  Right before you enter the fitness center, there is a large indoor pool that I was definitely hitting up.  But first, it was time to work out.  I walked up to the desk at the fitness center, where I signed in and asked if I could jump rope inside.  The lady informed me there was an area towards the right side of the room that should provide enough room for me.  Swell.  I walked in and noticed many things.  The first thing that caught my eye was that the room was carpeted.  That seemed odd until I figured out that there probably wasn't much rigorous sweating going on in here.  Next, I noticed that there was a ton of equipment in here.  Along with the rows of treadmills and ellipticals, there was a rower, kettle bells, free weights, and assortment of weight machines.  Third, I noticed that there was not a ton of space on the right side of the room.

Feeling a little odd about doing Crossfit stuff in a setting that was a cross between LA Fitness and Bushwood Country Club, I decided to start with the rower.  I thought a 2,000 meter row would get the blood pumping.  I got on and treated the first half of the row like a warmup and the second half of the row more like a workout.  I did the first 1,000 meters in about 4:20 (Colorado irony) and then tried to focus on going a little lower during the second 1,000 meters.  It was about this time that an older woman decided that she was going to walk around in a confused fashion, but mostly right next to me and right behind me.  I was just waiting to ram into her as I pulled back on the handle, but thankfully it didn't happen.  With about 650 meters to go, I got into a solid rhythm and carried that all the way to the end.  It was more important to me to finish this way than in an all-out sprint for the last 250 meters, because there are going to be events later on in the year where I am going to need to find that extra gear earlier on.  I finished the 2,000 meters in 8:32 and grabbed a big cup of water.  This altitude thing was no joke!  (Or I could be out of shape.  One of the two.  Probably the second one, but I'm running with the altitude excuse while I'm here.)

After that, it was time for double unders.  I felt really awkward about doing them in that room.  The carpeted floor was strange.  The area I was using was between the free weights and the weight machines, so people were bound to walk through that area as I was jumping rope.  When the people in that room saw me start to do double unders, they were going to think I was nuts.  It was a bad situation.  Nevertheless, I started working on my double unders and as soon as I did my first one and that whistle sound sailed through the room, the looks ensued.  My bad.  Of course, I kept going, waiting for the lady at the front desk to come in and tell me to stop.  I was planning on doing a mini-Flight Simulator.  I got 5, then 10, and eventually 15, but my numerous attempts to get to 20 failed.  Plus it was no fun doing that workout in there.  So after a few more valiant attempts at getting 20, I put the rope away in hopes of finding something else to do.

I have a new theory.  Like my workout strategies, my theories are probably flawed, but they make sense at the time I come up with them.  Tonight's theory: that the things which make you look goofy in the gym are probably the things that would benefit you the most.  Hear me out.  I give you Exhibit A: the reverse hyper.  During Barbulls, I was introduced to this monstrosity.  It is supposed to work your hamstrings, but you'll feel it in plenty of other places, including your vaginal bone, which will subsequently be destroyed.  It looks like you are alternating between humping a card table and pretending to fly when you use it.  You will never see anyone in our gym using it...except Leslie.  She is on that thing religiously, throwing around big weight.  It's probably not a coincidence that she is one of the best (if not the best) powerlifters in our gym.

Following the road from Tangentville back to Colorado Springs, I found myself staring at the thigh machine.  I have weak adductors.  I know this.  And this machine says right on it that it will strengthen your adductors.  But do I want to get on this contraption?  It looks like I need an OB/GYN in order to use it.  Simply getting it on the right settings was an embarrassing experience.  First I did the outer thigh movement.  This is where your knees start together and then you push the pads outward as though you are...wow, let's just move on.  I did 5 rounds of 8 reps at increasing weights.  The instructions on the machine advised using very light weight to begin, so I started with 40 pounds, increasing to 70, 100, 130, and finally 145 as it started getting tough at 130.  Next was the inner thigh movement, where your legs are spread wide around the pads, and you must nutcracker those things inward.  Again, I did 5 sets of 8 using the same weight as before.  I'm glad I did it, it probably was useful, and when I was finished, I got the hell out of the fitness center.

After a quick shower, I enjoyed the pool that I passed when I was walking in.  I love to swim and I can't remember the last time I had the opportunity.  There is a chance that when I go to Kelly's wedding in Jamaica in a few weeks that I may never leave the pool.  I swam the length of the pool a bunch of times, although I couldn't hold my breath the whole way (damn altitude!).  But it was a really nice way to end my one workout in Colorado.  Let's see if I can get some exercise in while I'm in Vegas!